White Girl’s Guide to an Indian Wedding

When I was in high school, I was very fortunate to have been exposed to Indian culture through my friend Niki. I watched Bollywood films, enjoyed delicious Indian dishes (s/o to Shahi Panir), and admired all the beautiful outfits and karaoke singing at her graduation party. You can imagine my delight when one night I came home from work to see the most BEAUTIFUL wedding invitation in my mailbox! As excited as I was to help Niki celebrate finding the man of her dreams, I was also a little nervous. I had no idea what to expect or what to wear, and I really didn’t want to make a mistake that would offend anyone! Hopefully this guide will help anyone else who may be worried about the same things when attending an Indian wedding in America.

Events

Just like how not all American weddings are the same, not all Indian weddings are the same. There are even variations between weddings of the same religion. Hindu weddings can take several forms, similar to how Christian weddings can take several forms. The wedding I attended was a traditional South Indian wedding, specifically a Telugu wedding, just to give some context. However, generally speaking, there are usually several events associated with Indian weddings, so be prepared for a few outfit changes!  Typically there is a Mehndi ceremony, a Sangeet, a Baraat, a wedding ceremony, and a reception. Phew! Don’t worry, your invitation will likely tell you which events you are invited to, as some of these are for close friends and family only.

Mehndi

Applying mehndi (or what white people call “henna tattoos”) to the hands and feet of the bride (and sometimes groom) is one of the many rituals associated with an Indian wedding and usually takes place 1-2 days before the ceremony. I wasn’t sure what to expect AT ALL, so I turned to the internet.

Y’all. DON’T LISTEN TO MARTHA STEWART. She has an article about what to expect at a mehndi party, which I listened to for some reason, and it lead me totally astray. She described the party as a super casual girls night focused on entertaining and relaxing the bride. So, I showed up in ripped jeans and tennis shoes. I knew as soon as we pulled up that Martha had done me dirty. Everyone was in their best and brightest outfit or a SUIT. I was mortified. Now I’m not saying that all mehndi parties are formal, but what I am saying is you should check with the bride a few days before on what the dress code is. If in doubt, go more formal than you might think you need to be. And the more colorful, the better! That’s a general rule for all the events.

Expect there to be food, drinks, music, and dancing. I wasn’t sure whether or not I was allowed to get mehndi, but you totally are! In fact, so many people at the party that I went to encouraged me to do it. I asked a few people, and it doesn’t seem to matter if you get one or both hands decorated, or whether it’s on your palm or the top of your hand. The mehndi artist will know what to do, so you’re in good hands! Don’t expect to interact much with the bride though- she’ll likely be sitting very still so as not so smudge her mehndi!

Also, pro tip: Don’t sleep with your hand on your face like I did. I woke up the day after the mehndi party with a gorgeous design on my cheek and freaked out. There was another event that night! If this happens to you, don’t stress. It will come off! I used toothpaste and then just regular old facewash with a washcloth to get it off.

Sangeet

The sangeet is where the parties really kick off. One of the wedding guests described it as “basically the family talent show.” I think the closest thing I can relate it to in a traditional American wedding is the rehearsal dinner, but WAY, WAY more fun. There will definitely be choreographed dances and beautiful songs, all performed for the bride and groom. At the sangeet I attended, we arrived and got drinks and dinner. Then, the dancing kicked off. Groups like the groom’s friends, the bride’s sister and cousins, the groom’s mom and her friends, and all the uncles took to the dance floor in gorgeous (and sometimes hilarious) dances. Side note, a few of the bride’s friends and I surprised her by doing a little bit of an Indian dance and it was SO much fun. There were also a few ladies doing mehndi around for those who couldn’t attend the previous night, but I’m not sure how common that is.

After the organized dancing comes the opening of the dance floor. From my experience at the handful of Indian parties I’ve been to, everyone loves to dance. So you will never, ever have to worry about being the only one on the dance floor! I also said at the sangeet that if I’ve taken anything away from that night, it’s that I definitely need to add more Bollywood music into my rotation.

Baraat

Next up is the day with the most activities. For me, this was on a Saturday. We started the morning off by a baraat, or groom’s procession, at 10:30. The groom and his friends and family all gathered a little ways from the entrance to the ceremony space. There were live drummers and loud music played over speakers as the groom’s group danced and cheered around the groom. Traditionally, the groom will ride in on a white horse. However, our groom came in on a Tesla! All his friends process with him up toward bride’s friends and family, where he is welcomed at the door by the bride’s parents. We all then went inside for the ceremony.

Ceremony

Unlike many American, Christian ceremonies where the actual wedding is like, 20 minutes, the wedding I attended was closer to two hours! One thing that really struck me was that people were talking throughout the whole ceremony. I expected everyone to quiet down eventually, but they didn’t. I’m not saying you should be talking throughout the ceremony; just wanted to give you a heads up.

The ceremony itself is so beautiful and meaningful. The groom starts out sitting at the front under a Mandap, which is similar to the Jewish Chuppah. The bride and groom’s parents and siblings will be under the Mandap, as well. The priest will recite lots of prayers, and then it’s time for the bride to enter. She will be escorted in by her maternal uncles. When Niki was escorted in, her husband was hidden behind a flag that was held by his and her sisters. She sat down on one side of the flag with him on the other, and the priest did more prayers and rituals while they were separated from each other. The nice ladies in front of us turned around to tell us that it signified their separate identities, and when the flag dropped they saw each other for the first time as husband and wife. After a few more rituals, there’s a little intermission where the bride and groom have an outfit change.

When they come back, there are more rituals and prayers. One of the most fun rituals is the ring game. The priest drops a ring into a bowl of water, and whoever finds the ring first is said to have the upper hand in the marriage. Everyone was cheering and clapping during this! (P.S. Niki won!) The bride and groom also take the “seven steps” together, each step constituting a wedding vow. They are blessed by each other’s families, and the ceremony is over.

If you are very close to the bride or groom, you may be asked to stay for a photo after the ceremony. It’s common for family and group photos to take place immediately after the ceremony, so don’t rush out too quickly! There will most likely be a lunch as well.

Reception

At the wedding I attended, there was a good chunk of time in between the wedding and the reception. This was to allow photos to be taken and for the bride and groom to change into their reception clothing. If you can afford it, try to wear a different outfit to the reception than you did to the ceremony!

The reception is likely to not be much different from traditional American receptions. We had a cocktail hour with hors d’oeuvres, followed by a sit-down dinner, the entrance of the newlyweds, speeches from the parents-in-law, the couples’ first dance, cake, and more dancing.

Gifts

My friend asked for no boxed gifts to be brought to the wedding, but she also hadn’t registered anywhere! After some online digging, I found that it is still common to gift the new couple with something, but definitely send it to their house instead of bring it to the wedding. Gifts of money are also very common. It’s good luck to give a monetary gift that ends in a 1, so something like $101.00.

What to wear

More than likely, your invitation will tell you the dress code for each event, so check there first. For example, my invitation stated the sangeet dress code as “Indian or Western semi-formal.” Like I mentioned earlier, when in doubt, go more formal than you would normally! Saris are incredibly beautiful, very decorated, and often bedazzled outfits, so it’s a lot easier to look underdressed than overdressed. Stick to bright colors and avoid the more earthy tones. Weddings are celebrations, so the brighter the better!

Speaking of colors, there are a few to avoid. Much like Americans tend to avoid wearing white to a wedding, Indians avoid wearing red. That’s the bride’s color. Also stay away from white and black, as those are colors associated with mourning. I was told that the closer you are to the bride, the bigger a deal it is to wear black. My friend Niki advised us to refrain from wearing anything even with black on it until after the wedding ceremony. Like a blue dress with black piping was a no-go. That being said, I did notice some people wearing black at some of the celebrations, so I assumed they were friends of the groom.

It’s also completely acceptable to wear an Indian outfit such as a sari, a salwar kameez, or a lehenga. In fact, the bride’s cousin and close friend texted me and a few other girls before the wedding and asked if we wanted to borrow some. Of course we jumped at the offer, and I was SO ecstatic to be able to wear this gorgeous outfit. Generally speaking, any time I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to do something (like get mehndi or wear Indian clothes), someone at the wedding would ask me if I was going to. They would ask in a way that was really telling me it was ok for me to do it, which was SO kind.

If in doubt, ASK! And keep in mind that people are forgiving. You weren’t brought up in the Indian culture, so wedding guests will understand if you make a small slip up (like wearing jeans to the mehndi. Damn you Martha Stewart).

I had the time of my life at Niki’s wedding, and I hope this guide gives you a little peace of mind to enjoy yours! Shoutout to my amazing friend Vicky, who graciously gave me a few of her photos for this post since I was too busy losing my mind to snap very many <3

Also, if I’ve gotten anything wrong or left anything important out, please let me know in the comments below!